Lesson of the Day - Jasper

Lessons, but NO Carols

The Housekeeper hasn't been too busy with work this week, so took time out today to spend some time in the kitchen, in particular to try her hand at making a Christmas Pudding. Its always been a family tradition that The Housekeeper's Mother makes two puddings and The Housekeeper makes two cakes and they do a swap, however with only one dog-eared (am I allowed to use that term on here?!) copy of a 54 year old recipe book and an 81 year old Mother, The Housekeeper took matters into her own hands over New Year and eventually came across a back up copy of the said recipe book on EBay. Hen and teeth spring to mind.

Lesson 1. The Housekeeper
Someone who's been making a recipe, blindfolded for over 50 years smugly telling you what you've done wrong, and laughing, when they are 80 miles away and can't be thumped with the lid of a steamer  - Is just a tad annoying, even if she is your Mother.

Lesson 2. The Housekeeper
Leaving the kitchen window open JUST 4 inches to get rid of excessive steam from the kitchen may seem like a good idea, but not when there are Abyssinian's in the house.

Lesson 3. Jasper
Climbing out through a 4 inch gap in a window might seem like a good idea, but not when there's a 7 foot drop on the other side of it, into a very cold, dark conservatory where nobody then knows where you are.

Lesson 4. Jasper
It is harder for an Abyssinian to get 7 foot up in the air and get back through a 4 inch gap in an open window than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle.

Lesson 5. Jasper
If in doubt, wail like a banshee. Someone will hear you. Follow this wailing with an impersonation of an Abyssinian bouncing on a trampoline and appearing in the window, briefly, so they can SEE you!

Lesson 6. The Housekeeper
Do not leave a sink full of washing up water when you have finished washing up, especially when it is underneath a window which is not usually open and therefore subject to curiosity. It is possible that the next object you could be washing, unintentionally, could be a cat, trying to get through a small gap in a window.

Lesson 7. Jasper
Water is WET !

Lesson of the Day - Dino

CAT: If I can open the conservatory door by leaping at the handle, then I can open any door in the house.  I think I'll try this bedroom door which is often closed.

Easy! I'm In!!!!

Bugger. There's clothes hanging on the back of the door which means that it has closed behind me as it's heavy and its too heavy to open with my paws. So now I'm stuck behind the door until Mr Housekeeper, who has flu and is sleeping, hears me and rescues me.

I now have a sore throat from constant mewing

HUMAN: We need to swap the door handles for round door knobs like the ones downstairs. ASAP!

Lesson of the Day - Jasper

Lofty Places

CAT:  I've found another room in the house which I didn't know about. It's very exciting. It must have been here all along but it's the first time I have been able to experience the room myself, albeit only for a few seconds until Mr Housekeeper panicked and saw me in the room.

He panicked even more when he realised that he couldn't get me out of the room on his own and The Housekeeper was on the phone downstairs. He didn't want to shout either in case it frightened me and I leapt, as he was holding me tightly in his arms because he didn't want me exploring the room on my own and getting "into things I shouldn't". He didn't like the idea of me getting something called rockwool insulation on my feet either. Dunno why. It sounded cosy to me.


HUMAN:  We are NEVER, EVER going to be able to leave the loft hatch open and unattended ever again.
Jasper can climb ladders as well as clothes airers!

Lesson of the Day - Amber

Ouch

CAT: When deciding to leap in a graceful arch with full spring from the back paws, from the dining room table to the conservatory table ( 5 feet apart) it is prudent to remember that there is a glass partition between the two tables.

This is the fixed panel of the sliding patio doors. It doesn't open - and NEVER has. The doors have been in place for 20+ years. Amber has lived with us for 2.

Forgetting this vital piece of information results in a headache, a slide down a pane of glass which you can not grip onto with your claws and a rapid loss to your Abyssinian dignity.

HUMAN: Repeat after me .... I must not laugh. I must NOT laugh. I MUST NOT laugh... Ahhhh sod it!!!!!

Lesson of the Day - Dino

Key Strokes

CAT: If I sit on this nice warm rectangular object covered in small square things, a funny buzzing alarm sound goes off continuously and the humans rush to remove me from wherever they are in the house.

There's also this funny little arrow which I can chase across the screen.

What really confuses me is that the humans are allowed to touch the little square things called "keys" with their paws, but if I walk across them, I get told off.

HUMAN: Always shut the lid of a laptop before walking away from it, into a different room. Kittens have goldfish brains when it comes to a) computers and b) the word NO.

The N is confusing, as is the O. The bit in the middle is a tad difficult and the general meaning of the word as a whole, leaves even an Abyssinian a little foxed. That or they are just ignoring the humans on purpose.

Lesson of the Day - Jasper

You gotta roll with it

CAT: In the bathroom there's this really, really tempting cord by the door that swings backwards and forwards. It turns the light on. To reach it you have to jump with all your might and your best back leg bouncy spring onto the towel rail and then reach up - easy.

Unfortunately the towel rail is rather like the loo roll holder and turns round when it has any weight on it. When your front paws are on the top of the rail and your back paws are on the towel, you very rapidly find yourself on the bathroom floor with the bath towel on top of you!!

Then you have a moving towel across the floor.


HUMAN: Worrying about wetting yourself laughing is not an issue when Abyssinian cat antics occur whilst you are sitting on the loo.

Lesson of the Day - Jasper

Key Strokes

CAT: "Mee-at Meow" - I'm a bouncy Abyssinian kitten and it's 11:20pm and I'm running. A nice circuit of the dining room after supper and .....oh .....what was that pretty blue light I've just put my paw on? .......

HUMAN: JASPER !!!!!!!! that was the power switch for the "*******" laptop.

Luckily the people that the Housekeeper talks to on MSN at this time of night don't take it personally when they get disconnected mid sentence and are usually still online when the laptop has been rebooted.

- - - - - - - -

11:30pm: Jasper sat in hammock, paws curled in towards his chest, just below his nose with a contented, supper eaten, kitten grin on face and tightly closed eyes but fully alert ears.

"Stood on a laptop power button? Who me? No, can't have been me, far too cute to do that, I am"

Lesson of the Day - Dino

CAT: When I say I am hungry and I squeal at you at the top of my kitten voice, at your feet as you have the cat food tin in one hand and the fork in the other - I mean it - I'M HUNGRY!

HUMAN: A cat food tin being held too low to the ground whilst forking through the dinner in the cat bowl, will have a cat's head IN the tin, eating from it, if you don't get the food in the bowl sorted quickly enough for the said hungry cat.

That or a fork prong in very close promimity to a kitten's nostril!

Lesson of the Day - Human

CAT: Human beings make a great bed!

HUMAN: Deciding to "just" spend 5 minutes on the settee cuddling with the kittens at midnight before you go to bed is fatal. I woke up at 5am, still on the settee with Jasper on my chest, fully stretched out and Dino in the gap between me and the settee back, with his paws wrapped round my leg, again full stretch.

That said, I am amzed that, once asleep, 14 week old kittens obviously do not move or wiggle very much as they didn't wake me up at all. Unfortunately 5 hours on the settee and 2 hours in bed, actually feels like just 2 hours sleep this morning.

Lesson of the Day - Jasper

There's a pattern emerging here ........

CAT: Brown sauce tastes nice!

HUMAN: Placing the splodge of brown sauce too near the edge of a plate and within reach of a cats tail causes a huge mess when said cat swings their tail through the brown sauce and then swings their tail all over your face, top, settee and carpet.


CAT:  Putting on your cutest kitten face and standing on your hind legs with your front paws and giving Amber a "cat kiss" and then mewing in her ear whilst asleep, still results in a swift hiss, even after she has played chase with you with a pheasant feather two hours earlier and pretended that she likes you.

CAT: Stairs are fun to run up and down, especially if you have only ever lived in a bungalow. They are still fun even if you have run up and down them together constantly for 20 minutes with your brother in hot pursuit. They are even more fun if you let out your loudest "me-at meow" as you reach the top each time.

Lesson of the Day - Amber

CAT: Diving head and front paws first down a 4 inch gap between a heavy, full box of costumes and the hall unit to chase something seemed like such a great idea when bored because the whole of the rest of the household had gone to bed (approx 1:10am!)

Ending up (literally!!!!!) with just my back legs from the knees to the paws flailing and my RBS logo in full view is not a ladylike look. Not having enough room to turn round, enough height to push myself out backwards or enough room to get into the gap and turn round and having to yell for help, puts a severe dent in one's cat pride.

HUMAN: How the hell do you a). laugh with tears running down your face in the middle of the night without waking the whole house up and b). make a split second decision betweeen rescuing the cat or going running for the camera for blog evidence?!!!!!!!

PS. I chose the rescue option!
PPS. Amber has just bought me here new favourite "moppy" toy as a thank you and dropped it at my feet!

Lesson of the Day - Jasper

CAT: The Doctor Who scarf style cat dancer toy is great fun and must be caught at ALL costs. After all, I have 9 lives.......

HUMAN: A kitten will chase the moving end of the Doctor Who scarf toy across the floor, furthest from the stick/handle, repeatedly until tired and sleepy. WRONG - the kitten has other ideas and aims for 3 foot in mid air to catch the stick instead after just 3 minutes of playing.

CAT: Chasing the moving end of a scarf thing across the floor, gets boring after a couple of attempts. There's no instruction manual with this toy, so who says I have to stay on the floor anyway.....

It's far more fun to launch yourself off the seat of the settee, then the arm of the settee and yes, the back of the settee - INTO MID AIR - to attempt to catch the stick end when it is raised out of your reach.

HUMAN: Doctor Who scarf toy PUT AWAY rapidly!

CAT: I gave her THAT look. I put my cutest kitten face on, blinked, blinked again slowly for effect and promised not to do it again (ok, so I lied!) but she still put the scarf thing away. Guess it's back to the boring, safe ping pong ball again, then.

Lesson of the Day - Jasper

CAT: The gravy from beef marinated in Guinness tastes great, but does make a mess of the fawn fur and takes ages to clean off the paws.

HUMAN: A 13 week old kitten standing on their hind legs is taller than you think they are!

Lesson of the Day - Crystal

CAT: There are only so many times that you can leap from the kitchen floor to the 3 inch ledge on the front edge of the kitchen sink before you a) find that the sink is full of washing up water, rather than empty and b) miss your footing and get your back legs and tail VERY wet.

HUMAN: Following a wet Abyssinian with hurt pride and trying to pick her up with a towel, whilst wearing a short sleeved tshirt, in a vain attempt to be kind and help dry her off is a BAD idea!